Tag Archives: coffee

the writers go for breakfast

Posted on by laurie macfayden

breakfast cafeSkim milk latte?

We don’t do that

OK, eggs florentine then. That’s with spinach, right?

Um usually yeah but we’re out of spinach

OK, without the spinach then. Are soy lattes any good?

No

Another latte, then, but this time without caffeine, please

Hmmmm …

Oh, do you not do decaf?

Well, yeah, we “do” (makes air quotes with fingers) it,
but I just don’t know if we “have” any

No spinach, no decaf … how about herbal tea?

I don’t know if we “have” that either. I can check.

No thank you. Never mind. Just water, please.
So anyway, as I was saying, personal transformation is not always a poem.
One man’s therapy is not necessarily another man’s sonnet.

I agree totally, but some people seem to think they have to incorporate
every fucking little breakthrough they have with their shrink
into a piece of performance art. I have gossip.

Dish!

J is sleeping with K.

I already knew that.

Yes, but did you know that K use to be with Q?

No! But i knew that T and S just had a three-some with D.

D? When did D get back?

From where? I didn’t even know that D was away.

Oh, yeah, you know, that annual Spa and Stanza retreat at Papyrus Hills. Somehow she always manages to lose 20 pounds of cellulite and gain 30 pages of manuscript.

I hate that about her.

Yeah, it’s incredibly annoying to those of us with perpetual writers’ block.
How are the bennies?

Good, but they would be better with spinach.

Yeah. How’s the latte?

Fine but I think I should’ve gotten the skim.

But they don’t “do” skim, remember. Like, they have some kind of conscientious objection to a skim milk latte. They’re “anti-skim.”

You’d think that if they object to skim they’d have a similar moral objection to decaf.

Well, yeah, of course. I mean, of the two, which is the most obscene?

They’re both an abomination, if you ask me. What’s the point of the special coffee if you’re going to remove the caffeine and de-fat the milk? Why bother?

I agree totally. And eggs florentine without spinach — well that’s just bad breakfast karma.

It’s kind of cold here, you know. By the door.

Yeah, but this is a great bagel. What is this fruit that they’ve used as a garnish?

Damned if I know … some kind of a pumpkin-lemon cross? Weird.
Maybe a cumquat sort of thingy…

More coffee, ladies?

Um, no thanks. Just the bill.

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black coffee

Posted on by laurie macfayden
coffee-cup-b.jpg(apologies and gratitude to the good seussian doctor)

my sister’s name is lonny mac
she does not like her coffee black

would she drink it in a cafe?
would she drink it on a rainy day?
would she drink it in a starbucks chair
would she drink it here? (or there?)

she would not drink it here or there
she would not drink it anywhere
she does not like her coffee black
she cannot drink dark roast like that

would she ? could she ? if it fizzed?
drink it! drink it! (here it is)
she may like it, she will see
she may drink it caffeine-free!

she would not, could not, caffeine-free,
not even if fizzed! so let her be.

a pot! a bodum! a mug! a cup!
could she, would she, drink it up?
would she, could she, dare to sup
if we sprinkle cinnamon in her cup?

she could not drink a cream-less mug
espresso? she’d rather eat a bug!

say! in the dark? here in the park?
would she, could she, in the park?

she would not, could not, in the park.
sacred java is no takeout lark.
she loves the bean, but make no mistake
from Styrofoam it’s hard to take
and without cream it’s just not good
she cannot drink it, understood?
as sure as her name is lonny mac
she cannot drink her coffee black

could she, would she, with a goat?
don’t be absurd, not with a goat

would she, could she, on a boat?
only if the boat could float!

french roast / mocha / breakfast blend …
could she drink it with a friend?

if that friend was of her ilk …
but she would not drink it without milk
strong! and dark! with steamed milk, yes!
but never black, and not in a dress!

she does not like it served straight up
prefers large mug to dainty cup
she will drink it with a manly snack
but she will not drink her coffee black.

slab of cake or chocolate biscuit
sourdough sandwich or brie-on-triscuit
she can slurp the joe with gourmet flair
but she won’t drink it black, not here, not there

could she drink it with green eggs and ham?

no, but she could drink it with PB toast and jam!
as sure as her name is lonny mac
just don’t make her drink her coffee black!

she does not like it, so you say,
she should try it, try it, anyway!
try it and she may, i say
enjoy the coffee black, i pray

NO! No thanks will come from lonny mac
she still won’t take her coffee black
she will not drink it here or there
she will not drink it ANYWHERE!

she would drink it with a fox
she would drink it in a box
she would drink it in a cowboy hat …
but she will not, CANNOT
drink her coffee BLACK!