things that make me crazy

first crazy

snow.
snow in april.
snow in may.
snow that gets in my eyes, on my eyelashes,
in my boots
and under my skin
snow that gets into my heart
and refuses to melt
mosquitoes.
dampness.
toffee when it sticks to my teeth.
magpies yapping.
chickadees mourning.
crows cackling.
dog hair on the rug.
white dog hair on black pants.
people who talk on their cellphones while driving.
cellphones.
people.
people who take up two seats on the bus
and grunt when asked to make room for someone standing
buses that are late
buses that are so early you miss them
(rare but it does happen)
forgetting.
forgetting how i made a certain paint colour.
forgetting the names of people whose names i swore i’d never forget.
forgetting keys in doors
forgetting to lock doors.
family.
feeding the cat.
the cat.
the cat’s indifference.
when there’s no milk for the coffee.
racism. sexism. homophobia.
anti-feminist assholes.
modern jazz that feels metallic and disharmonic and headache-inducing
and i know the reason it makes me crazy is because i don’t understand it
and i hate that.
not understanding makes me crazy. not getting it.
not being connected.
being too connected.
the internet
the computer
the cable company
the system
the election
the spammers
the spam
the starbucks baristas who ask if i want room for cream in my coffee
and then don’t leave any room.
(yes i once made one cry)
the chaos in the tupperware cupboard.
anything loud.
anything digital.
turnips.

things that make me crazy in a good way:

chickadees
crows
magpies
cats and dogs
that perfect shade of blue, trying to re-create it
water
poems by just about everybody
email
‘the artistic temperament’
potato chips
coffee rings
coffee culture
coffee
sunrise. sunny days.
don draper.
ipod photo apps.
breakfast burritos.
road trips.

(warmup write, sometime in 2013)

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the prorogue song

He’ll prorogue just like he said he would
He’ll prorogue ’cause he thinks that he’s so good
He’ll prorogue and then say he’s done no wrong
He’ll prorogue ’cause his backbone is not strong
You would not say that he’s in vogue
Everybody must prorogue!

He’ll prorogue when you’re living on the street
He’ll prorogue so that he can dodge the heat
He’ll prorogue as he’s slinking out the door
He’ll prorogue to avoid Idle No More
Election fraud is not a holy road
Everybody must prorogue!

He’ll prorogue when the $enators get caught
He’ll prorogue when the Ombudsman’s been bought
He’ll prorogue when you’re tryin’ to save a buck
He’ll prorogue and wish families Good luck!
You could not say that he’s in vogue
Everybody must prorogue!

Well he’ll prorogue and he’ll smirk that it’s the end
He’ll prorogue then he’ll come right back again
He’ll prorogue while he thumbs his nose at arts
He’ll prorogue as his hubris tops the charts
It’s plain to see that he’s a gutless rogue
Everybody must prorogue!

Prorogue to get his party off the hook
Prorogue so he can write his hockey book
He’ll prorogue with his PC fists of ham
He’ll prorogue ’cause he doesn’t give a damn
The robo-calls prove he’s a slimy toad
Everybody must prorogue!

He’ll prorogue when it’s ruled he’s in contempt
Prorogue you then pretend that he’s verklempt
Delay Parliament just because he can
Prorogue ’cause he’s a petty, spiteful man
The voters know that he’s a slimy toad
Everybody must prorogue!

Revised lyrics (c) Laurie MacFayden
With apologies to R. A. Zimmerman
and absolutely no apologies to S. J. Harper

canada (palindrome)

it was so different in the ’70s
it was plaid bellbottoms and sideburns
it was draft dodging and october crisis
it was fresh science and a whole nation beating the soviets in hockey
we were so much more than prisons and fighter jets
we were clean and polite and happily multicultural
we sewed maple leafs on our backpacks
we were not called terrorists for loving trees
we were not called terrorists. we made love under trees.
we sewed maple leafs and were allowed water in our backpacks.
we were clean and polite and didn’t have to think about polar bears.
we were so much more than hockey.
we fought prisons and were proud of our scientists.
it was draft dodging and quebec questioning.
it was plaid bellbottoms and not burning sides.
it was so different in the ’70s.

‘thank you, this is the worst thing i’ve read’

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