Beware the Drumpercrock


Apologies to Lewis Carroll     

’Twas votecrack, and the Cheese’d of Skin

Did Grump and Twitter in the night:

All Klimsy’d were his alt-right views,

And Nasty Women gave him fright.


“Beware the Drumpercrock, my girl!

The clod that bite, the maw that’s jabber!

Beware the Orangefaced Turd, and shun

The furious Pussygrabb’r!”


Took Vorpal pen in Tiny hand;

Ponscumm’d Bad Hombres that he sought—

So dozed he with Deplorebull’d fools

And drooled he there in Fuddled Thought.


And, as in pompous glare he stood,

The Drumpercrock, with Eyes of Bulge,

Came whiffling through the Golfcan Yuge,

Miss-spelling as it Grease-ly stomped!


One, two! three! six! Want cheeseburger! he whimpered Zwill,

His Vorpal cellphone insecure!

His SackPence blumph, intellect nil!

He jowls galumphing, “Crooked Hill!”


“And hast thou tamed the Drumpercrock?

Let’s build that wall, my Bigly boy!

O frabjous pee! CovfeeFeeFee!”

He Bannon’ed in his Frittled Sploy.


’Twas horr’bl, and the Cheese’d of Skin

His Putin o’er the grumbll sailed:

Flimsie’d t’were the old white men — SAD! —

And pink pussy tuques prevailed.

— macfayden nov. 9 2017


Post-script: This open-mic poetry event was a blast. Thanks to the Almanac for the always-groovy space, and to MC extraordinaire Michael Gravel and the Raving Poets Band for bringing the magic. Meanwhile, the Old Trout Puppet Workshop is back in town with its own peculiar version of Jabberwocky at the Roxy, 8529 Gateway Blvd, through Nov. 26. Liz Nicholls sets it up over at her 12th Night blog.


poetry immersion 101

it’s national poetry month — and what a month it is!

on april 3, i had the pleasure of sharing the stage with michelle boudreau, mary pinkoski and jasmine whenham at a music & poetry shindig at the axis cafe.

on april 10, edmonton’s raving poets celebrated 10 years of spoken word wonderfulness with a big bash at riverdale hall. i was one of 10 featured readers selected to help represent the decade of debauchery & drinking — two things the RPs have helped define (or is it refine?) over the years.

the highlight for me comes near the end of the month. a year ago my debut poetry manuscript, white shirt, was selected for dektet 2010, a 10-title collection being published this month by frontenac house in celebration of their 10 years of showcasing canadian poetry.

the book is now a reality.

if you’re reading this blog and happen to be in the vicinity, you’re cordially invited to attend the edmonton launch of dektet, featuring white shirt, on tuesday, april 27 at stanley milner library theatre (7 sir winston churchill square) beginning at 7 p.m.

all 10 dektet authors will be there, reading from and signing their books, and all 10 titles will be available for purchase ($15.95 each).

two nights later the dektet festivities continue in calgary (thursday, april 29,
7 p.m., john dutton theatre, macleod trail) in conjunction with the calgary international spoken word festival.

to help promote the dektet collection, i’ve been invited to talk poetry with george bowering, canada’s first poet laureate, during the edmonton poetry festival’s ‘book chat’ at CBC centre stage, city centre mall, on thursday, april 22 starting at noon. this event is not being broadcast live, so if you want a front-row window on the conversation, come on down and be part of the audience. it’s free, and audreys will have a book table set up featuring the works of pofest authors.

the rest of the pofest sked is available here.

spread the word.

p.s. my poem ‘things you need to know before you give yourself to a poet’ appears in the lists edition of the new quarterly (TNQ) literary journal. look for it on magazine stands in early may.

the raving poets / kasbar nights

from the ‘born to write’ series  …